It is currently 11:32 pm on December 27th of 2020 in Los Angeles and I am losing my mind.
It has been nine months since I was sent home from my local community college classes and pushed into the vitrual world of zoom. It has been nine months since the toliet paper shorteges and the panic of neighbors, yet, I still feel confused in all aspects of my life.
The only thing new these days is aches and pains. My back hurts one day and my hip hurts the next… the list goes on. The only thing I have to look forward too is NFL football on the weekends (which ends in a few weeks anyways).
I am so tired of living life at home. My house mates are driving my INSANE. Even just the sound of them clipping their nails is starting to drive me up the wall. I hate sitting around all day (and my bones hate it too) but I really have no other choice right now.
Incase you aren’t from the U.S., we are (and have been) a hot mess. Covid is at its all time high. Yes, you read that correctly. After 9 long months, we are at the highest percentage of cases and deaths per day than we’ve EVER been. California being one of the worst in the country right now.
As of a few weeks ago, everything went into lockdown again…kind of. They say to stay home, but non-essentials still remain open. They will close outdoor dining but not Covid-festering places such as Downtown Disney. They will let small, family restaurants struggle financially, but let a multi-million dollar corporating remain open and making money. It is very confusing for me personally, and other’s as well.
When lockdown first began in March, we knew the guidelines…everyone did. Nothing but fast food and grocery outlets were open. But now? they claim that we are on “lockdown” but haven’t specified what is open and what is not. Bath And Body Works will be open in the mall, but the Morphe store next to it won’t be open…and it’s insane.
This may sound like a lot of complaining coming from me, but honestly I’m tired of this “new normal.” We are going in circles with our governors and the government over something that other countries have under control. The lack of guidelines is encouraging people to believe they can go out, carefree. It is so frustrating to be a U.S. citizen right about now.
Now, after allllll that complaining I did, here’s what I am NOT going to do. I will NOT show up to a store without a mask. I still will NOT go and see my friends and family, and I will NOT go anywhere that is considered non-essential. You know why? because respect of human life is more valuable than some random 30$ candle I have been wanting.
I will hold my stance that living in the U.S. SUCKS right now, but I will not go against my morals as a human being just to “get back at the government.” I would not be able to live with myself knowing I could have killed someone because I was naive and went out when it was not safe. There is a boundary between retaliation and respect that some my age have yet to learn.
It makes me mad how people are disregarding this pandemic and calling it a hoax. This is the reason we are still in it. People are getting frustrated and acting out. But, even though others may not, I will still act how, I believe, is morally right.
So…as all my teenage friends are out partying at 11:47pm on December 27th in Los Angeles, I will continue to sit here in my bedroom, between my four white walls for the 276th day in a row, losing my mind.
I would rather go crazy than risk someone else’s life.